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The scud missile

Why is a violinist like a scud missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.

Violinist's fingers

Why are a violinist's fingers like lightning?
They rarely strike the same spot twice.

Guitar player

What do you say to a guitar player in a 3-piece suit ?
"Will the defendant please rise!"


What do you call a fiddler with half a brain?

Perfect pitch

What is "perfect pitch?
When you lob a fiddle into a toilet without hitting the rim.

Fiddle players

Did you hear about the fiddle player who was in tune ?
Neither did I!


How do you know when the stage is level ?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth!

Piccolo Players

How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.

Bass Players

What do you do if your bass player is drowning?
Throw him his amp.

Largest Accordion

The largest playable accordion in the world is 253-cm (99.6-in) tall, 190-cm (74.8-in) wide, and 85-cm (33.4-in) deep, and weighs approximately 200 kg (440 lb). The instrument, built by Giancarlo Francenella (Italy), bears the name "Castelfidardo" after the town in Ancona, Italy, in which it was constructed.

Begun in 2000 and finished in 2001, the giant accordion required over 1,000 hours of labor, and features 45 treble piano keys, 120 bass buttons, and 240 reeds. Built on a 5:1 ratio from the original, the instrument is made of wood (fir, cedar, mahogany, walnut), metals (aluminum, steel), cardboard, cloth, and special varnishes.

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